Riding the edge of pleasure and pain

Reflections on my 40th day of 90 days of Pleasure

Yesterday I walked barefoot in the streets and in puddles in the pouring rain. I love being barefoot and I got such a thrill from splashing through the puddles. I felt so alive and invigorated in those moments. 

And then I came home to a leaking roof and wondering if I will ever be free of challenges with water in my building. Like seriously WTF. I am sick even thinking about how many issues I’ve had, how much money I’ve spent to fix issues with water. It’s at the point where I feel like it’s absolute fuckery, the water is so drawn to my watery spirit that it finds ways to get in, it just can’t resist.

I love living in that duality or expansiveness of a relationship, where something brings me so much joy and pleasure and also so much pain and heartache. The deep complexity of it is so beautiful. 

My relationship with water and love are so similar, I have a deep reverence, joyful exuberance, and healthy fear. Riding that wave between pleasure and pain makes me feel alive. If we aren’t taking risks, then what are we here for?